It's not a Belarusian trick. It's a Belarusian illusion...

I might have mentioned that I'll be backpacking across Europe for 3 weeks once my study abroad program ends on December 7.

More on that later. No concrete plans yet. I'll get to that. Really. In fact, if anyone wants to join me, send me an e-mail. I'm looking for companions.

That digression/ desperate plea for friendship/ precursor to a sickening online dating personal ad aside, I've lately been considering traveling to Belarus during my travels. Now, some of you are saying, "Hey, I'm not sure, but isn't that the country the State Department deemed 'The Last Dictatorship of Europe?'" I say, "Yes, but my grandfather and his whole family are from the capital, Minsk, and I really do want to explore my heritage. Plus, besides not being six feet tall, I think I look more like a Belarusian than any other people in my ancestry." These being my feelings, I took a moment to do some basic (and for those in my family worried about me, I reiterate, VERY BASIC) research on travel to and touring Belarus.

I stumbled on this priceless wiki page. It is long, but I promise, well worth the read. What I've posted below is absolutely the highlight of the article. I didn't even try to paraphrase it because the writer captures the backwardness and inanity about the place beautifully:

Sleep

"Legal theft". Most hotels in Minsk are safe. However, be aware of the Belarusian trick. Since Belarusians are very afraid of the authorities and thus of committing a crime, some corrupt hotels may practice a very annoying way of stealing, so called "legal theft" involving maids (often in conspiracy with the reception personnel). While cleaning your room (in your absence) they may hide your personal belongings in the most outrageous parts of your room, combining bizarre sets of items, such as a cellular phone with a piece of bread, a wallet with a cheap magazine or a pair of glasses (!). The trick is: if you miss them, the maid will come and collect them later, if you report the items missing (or find them by yourself) you won't be able to do a thing (since the items never left the room, it is not considered a theft). The personnel may also ridicule your allegation by pointing out why on earth they would want to hide some bread or a hotel magazine - they just accidentally tucked the items away while cleaning. Avoid such unpleasant situations by always locking your valuables in the hotel safe or at least taking them with you. Before checking out, always search the room thoroughly (wardrobes, cabinets, deep shelves, behind sofas and radiators).

The jury's still out on whether this completely excites me or completely scares me about Belarus. At the moment, I think it's a superficial excitement - because the idea is so comical I could easily imagine it as part of an elaborate Buster Keaton routine - with a well of fear beneath the surface - because the trick is in fact an everyday reality in Belarus.

In all likelihood, I'm not going to Belarus. Strike one, it's near impossible to get there because it's so far away from Spain and not on the Eurail lines. Strike two, I think I have to secure (not to mention pay for) a transit visa just to get into the country. Strike three, they're a strong Russian ally, so who knows if we'll even have diplomatic relations with either country in four months.

For all the trouble, Scandinavia is the more doable and less totalitarian option. But a Belarusian boy can dream.

*Next time: A lot. My arrival in Spain, my week in Granada, traveling with 22 girls, and a list of the differences between Spain and the United States.